To His Glory Praise, Worship and Encouragement

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar... So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."

A priest was walking along the school corridor near the preschool wing when a group a little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?" He told him that he was a priest and that this is the uniform priests wear. Then he pointed to the priest's little plastic collar insert and asked, "Does it hurt? Do you have a Boo-boo?" The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar insert looked like a band aid. So the priest took it out to show him. On the back of the collar are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer. The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?" "Yes I do," said the lad who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "It says, kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"

1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

2. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

5. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

6 . What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

8. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.

9. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

10. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

11. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

12. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

13. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

14. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

15. NAIVE spelt backwards is EVIAN

16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

17. Clones are people two.

18. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

19. Go ahead and take risks...just be sure that everything will turn out OK.

20. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

21. As I said before, I never repeat myself!

22. 'It's only beauty on the inside that counts.' -only ugly people say that.

23. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

24. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

25. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.